Cautiously Optimistic

I am so overweight and out of shape it's scary!  I think daily about how I need to do something. My weight affects my health and how I live my life.  I am scared it's going to lead to an early death and I think daily how I don't want to be a burden to my husband or children later in life because I am so unhealthy.  I think daily about how traumatic it would be to my children if something happen to me. I hate being overweight! I already have high blood pressure, I am pre-diabetic and I struggle with depression/anxiety.  I want to be a healthy weight.  I want to be able to wear cute clothes.  I want to have more energy.  I want to be able to live easier.  I want to chase my kids and go hiking.  I want to be sexy!  I want to take self defense classes.  I want to compete in shoot competitions.  None of those things can happen if I don't lose weight and get in shape.  

I've struggled with my weight most of my life.  After I hit puberty the only time I didn't struggle with my weight was when I was working in Kentucky on a Thoroughbred breeding farm.  The only reason I didn't struggle then was I physically worked hard 8-12 hours a day 6 days of the week.  I began to struggle even more with my weight after I had my gallbladder removed in 2000.   Being overweight runs in my family.  I have PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) which makes it really hard to lose weight.  I've tried so many different diets, but none of them stick.  I always seem to go back to my old ways, what is easiest and my biggest obstacle is my own stinking thinking. I always get discouraged when I don't see results.  I don't know why I think the weight should come off quickly because it didn't go on overnight. I know what needs to be done.  I must eat healthier and exercise!

I am going to try new things.  First I am telling myself this will not happen overnight, next I am going to move my body, then I am going to buy & prepare healthy foods (vegetables, fruits, nuts, proteins), and I have started taking some new supplements called Thrive.  This supplement will give me vitamins and nutrients my body desperately needs, act as a appetite suppressant, give me energy, help me to burn fat, speed up my metabolism, help with my moods, and help relieve aches and pains. I have started walking in the morning after I drop LeAnne off at school and am drinking more water as well.  I am working on making better choices with what I eat and working on portion control.  

I say I am cautiously optimistic because I am afraid to be overly excited for fear of working myself into a high and then my stinking thinking gets the best of me again and I fail again.  I want to make these changes stick.  I want to develop new habits. I know it will not be easy at all and I will have to stick to my convictions. I know I have been thinking and eating like crap for a long time and it will be so easy to fall back into old ways.  I am going to have to fake it until I make it.  I am going to have to P.U.S.H (Persist Until Something Happens).  I am going to have to pray because I can't do this on my own but with God all things are possible.  I am going to have to change my thinking.  It's so easy to say all of this now but I must keep it up when it gets tough. I think for me its going to be important to keep walking, to take the time to cut up fruits and veggies for easy meal preparation, to cook meat ahead of time to be able to grab for healthy lunches, to cut way down on sugar, limit starches and keep drinking the water.  I am excited that I have walked a mile each day this week, drank more water, made better eating choices and I am feeling really good.  I can feel the Thrive working.  I am feeling a little sick once in a while (stomach ache and headache) but realize this is my body detoxing.  I have filled it with junk for a long time.  

I am so thankful to have the support of my amazing husband and family!  

I am back...Again (post surgery update)

I am back again! I took a brief break because I had Carpal Tunnel Release surgery on my right hand and tying was just not an option.  The first two week after surgery I found myself wondering daily why I had the surgery!  Am I insane?  I have a wild 22 month old son who is into and on top of everything 24/7.  Life without my dominate hand was rough!  I found alternate ways to do things so that I could get things done but by the end of the day I was in pain and exhausted.  I had my stitches out last Thursday and was very encouraged by the next day how much more I could do.  The surgery site is still sensitive, I still have numbness in the tip of two fingers, my wrist aches a bit and it will take time to regain strength.  My doctor said I should see a big difference in two months.  So the verdict is still out weather this was a good idea and I am certainly not in any hurry to have it done to my left hand.

All Early Intervention evaluations were completed with Christian, we met with all coordinators, developed a plan and he had his first session last week.  An early intervention para professional will be coming to our house once a week to work with him, the early intervention coordinator/Special Ed. Teacher will come with her once a month and the Speech Pathologist will come with her once a month as well.  Most of the goals have to do with his development of speech.  Hearing your child has developmental delays is hard to swallow. I immediately start to wonder why and blame myself.  I have heard from so many people that boys talk later than girls, people have told me about boys they know who have not talked until they were 4 but it still stings that my son isn't talking.  He will be 2 in two months and says no real words.  He is starting to make new noises and more open mouthed sounds like ma, ba, and la.  I have made a check list of  activities to do with him that will help him meet his goals and hopefully get him talking.  Now I need to develop a daily routine of working with him.  It makes me so upset with myself how impatient I can be in regards to seeing results.  I've been praying lately that God will help me to work with him consistently and trust in His plan for my boy.  The day I hear him say his first word is going to be like Christmas, my birthday and Easter all rolled into one!

Then there is our high spirited, hot headed, emotional drama queen, LeAnne.   She has always been fairly advanced intellectually for her age.  Always busy, always thinking and asking questions. The other day on our way to a birthday party she asked questions about so many different topics it was comical.  She has been into making cards for people she loves and there precious.  Almost all of them say "I love you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much"!  Daddy and I are going to sit her down and have a little chat tonight about how she treats me.  She gets frustrated easily and lashes out at me.  This is not something new.  She has had melt downs like this since she was 2 or 3 but for a little bit now she has focused them towards me.  We have been talking about how she needs to respect me and its not okay to yell at me.  We have been talking about her breathing, and walking away for a bit.  She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be perfect and we have to constantly remind her that is not our expectation.  Oh the joys of parenting! :-)

Little man is up about an hour early from his name today, so much for some quiet time to write. I have started a new journey so stay tune to hear about that.